Jill Sherer Murray

Jill Sherer Murray is a TEDx speaker, author, influencer, coach, and founder of Let Go For It®, a lifestyle brand dedicated to helping individuals let go for a better life. She is also an award-winning journalist and communications leader who can trace practically every success she’s had in her career, love life, and more to letting go. Her TEDx talk, “The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go” has been viewed by millions of people, many of them reaching out to her from all over the world for advice on how to let go in their own lives. Murray also coaches and consults with business leaders on how to let go for better business results with a focus on communications. She spent a year studying improvisation comedy at the famous Second City Training Center in Chicago, and another five years writing a popular blog called Diary of a Writer in Mid-Life Crisis for Wild River Review. She also let go of just about everything to put her weight in Shape Magazine—twelve times—as part of a year-long assignment to document her weight loss journey for millions of readers.

Twitter: @LetGoForIt

Instagram: @LetGoForIt

Are there particular films that have influenced your writing?

Two of my favorite movies are Fly Away Home and Broadcast News. I’m drawn to them because they tell simple and thought-provoking stories about real people, navigating the universal perils of love and loss, on a journey to find what they want most in life—usually, the romance, money, or outer beauty they believe necessary to earn the love and acceptance of others.  Until, that is, they realize (usually at the end) that what they really want is to love and accept themselves.

I have always been drawn to this narrative: the path to self-love. My interest started when was a teen, seeking the love and approval of a critical parent—and continued into my twenties, when I found myself seeking the love and approval of unavailable men who consistently broke my heart. I’d tell myself that I was just unlucky, even destined to be alone. I had no idea that I was choosing partners who’d never give me the love I wanted, because I had no idea how to love myself.

I began writing about this quest in my thirties, chronicling my year-long weight-loss journey in a monthly column for Shape Magazine. Early essays were about eating healthier foods and exercising harder, so I could fit into my skinny clothes. But as I got deeper in, my approach shifted in tone. I wrote less about how I looked on the outside, and more about how I looked on the inside.

This unintended self-examination was profound. It not only inspired me to lose twenty pounds, but most importantly, it set me on a conscious journey to cultivate the “Big Wild Love” (BWL)—or self-love that gave me the courage and confidence to be bold—I needed to not only release that excess weight, but anything else that failed to serve me going forward. Including a 12-year relationship with a wonderful man I deeply loved, who, despite his best intentions, would never give me the marriage I wanted. That’s when I also came to know the power of letting go.

Big Wild Love told me I no longer had to settle for what I didn’t want. After leaving that relationship, I went on to meet the man who’d become my husband. I tell this story in my TEDx Talk and my more-recent book, called Big Wild Love: The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go. In the latter, I give people a tangible process for not only cultivating their own Big Wild Love, but using it to let go of a relationship that’s not working and find one that does.

It took me almost half of my life to know for absolute sure what the characters in my favorite movies figure out at the end: That winning the adoration of other people is not a worthy goal. To the contrary, it’s the search for identity and meaning—the triumph of Big Wild Love—that matters most. These themes will continue to inform my work.

Is your go to comfort food sweet or savory? Is it something you make yourself? Does food inspire your writing?

That would be coffee, which I almost reflexively associate with the joy of writing. Decaf or regular, cold or hot, it doesn’t matter. I’ll take it in any form. The sound of it brewing, the feel of pouring it into my favorite mug (which, by the way, says “This is what a published author looks like”…one of the best presents I got from a friend on the day my book came out), the way it changes color with my Stevia and Nutpods, the smell…it all makes me feel very creative. Add thunder and rain, the dogs at my feet, a tiny lamp, and Patty Griffin, and I can’t get to my computer fast enough.

Have you ever experienced Imposter Syndrome?

Seriously? Every single time I do something new—especially if it both thrills and terrifies me simultaneously—I ask myself who I think I am to attempt such a thing as [new thing I tell myself I must be insane for doing]. Of course, I ask myself these questions at the very same time I’m actually doing the thing in question, because that’s what Big Wild Loving people do. We don’t let the fear, anxiety, or discomfort associated with Imposter Syndrome get in the way of stretching ourselves or doing what we want to do.

Case in point: I had a really bad case of Imposter Syndrome for months leading up to giving my TEDx Talk, especially when I thought about the other 24 women who’d be on the stage with me. They were talking about big stuff—like getting underwear to needy young girls in third world countries, surviving and thriving in the face of cancer and Multiple Sclerosis, and advocating for women and families in front of lawmakers on Capitol Hill.

And there I was: talking about a breakup, even though I knew it was really about what we make important inside our one and only precious life. But I had no idea the audience would follow along. I was terrified to deliver that talk (it didn’t help that I was number 22 on the line-up), but I did it anyway. And it went on to not only garner millions of views, but become one of the top two most-watched talks of the approximately 500 given at TEDxWilmington.

It’s only human to feel unsteady when we’re being asked to do new or hard things. The key is not to let that discomfort stop us…or lead us to believe that we’re not ready, worthy, or capable. But rather, use it to inspire our best. 

After all, Imposter syndrome is not a foregone truth. Usually, it’s an illusion—born from old wounds, limiting beliefs, and/or other people’s voices in our heads telling us to sit down and be quiet.

When that happens for me, like it did the day of my talk, I look for these things first and remind myself out loud—in front of the mirror—why they don’t hold up. Or write out all the reasons why I’m a badass on a piece of paper, since research shows writing is a powerful way to keep moving forward. Just before I got on the TEDx stage, I did some power posing with another speaker. Whatever it takes to give that imposter a nod and a push, I make it happen.

Not all books are for all readers… when you start a book and you just don’t like it, how long do you read until you bail?

I have two answers: The pre-Big-Wild-Love version, and the post version.

Before I had Big Wild Love, I would read a book to the very end, even if doing so was sheer torture, simply because I thought I had to. That if I didn’t finish what I started, there must be something wrong with me. I lacked commitment and tenacity, was too weak to soldier through, too easily distracted, was missing something in the read. The talk track in my head never missed an opportunity to remind me that it wasn’t the book that was bad, but rather, it was me. I was defective in some way for not seeing the book through to completion.

Crazy, right?

Once I’d cultivated Big Wild Love, dealing with a book I couldn’t get into became an entirely different experience. Now, I give a book two or three chapters to draw me in and, if it doesn’t, I’m done. If a lot of people I trust recommend it, I may give it a tinge more, but I’m certainly not averse to quitting partway through—no harm, no foul, no self-judgement.

I now know that life is too short and there are too many good books, to waste time on those you simply don’t love. After all, reading shouldn’t be akin to having a root canal. 

What brings you great joy?

Sooooo many things! My handsome husband. My amazing dogs. A good writing session, when you’re in the zone and you know it. Being helpful in the world. A good girl’s night out, replete with laughter, tears, and good Sangria. Air conditioning. The change of seasons. Seventy-five degrees. My Volatile flip flops. A good bra. The day they tell you that your eighty-something mother doesn’t have the horrible disease they thought she did. A DM from a stranger telling me that my talk and/or my book changed their life. Yoga pants. Lipstick. Shoes. (So many shoes.) A good book review on Amazon. Friends from childhood. Not having to wash my hair. Being on page 186 of a riveting novel. Lifetime Television. A snowstorm I don’t have to drive in. Found money. My quarterly pizza. I’ve got all night …